Letters Page #4

That's right, kids! It'd the return of the BBBPPP retard gawp-o-thon. Seriously though, stop laughing. It's not funny. Gogol would have argued that you're just laughing at yourself - that's bad enough. But the truth is you'd be laughing at the utterly horrific absurdity of modern society, which also includes injustice, ignorance and devoted self-absorption. Welcome to the 21st century - look how far we've come.

LOOK DADDY, NO BRAIN CELLS!

Take, for example, this particular specimen:

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Dear BBBPPP, if you had a row with your ex and a few weeks later ask her come for a drink with you and she texts you saying: "Seriously now, why would I meet up for a drink after how you have spoke to me?" What does she want me say? What is she saying?

BBBPPP: She's saying that she's surprised to have found someone as idiotic as herself. The tragicomic irony is that due to this idiocy, she is yet to work out the significance of it all and you are yet to work out that she is a tit.

Then...

Dear BBBPPP: If a girl says shes over her ex when you get with her and says she's falling for you. Then you end it and she says she still loves her ex and wants him back, but he has a new girlfriend and is happy with her. Then the girl is supposed to be dating someone else now. What should you do and whats going on in her head?

BBBPPP: Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. You should alert the nearest nurse as you've got a flatliner on your hands. In the mental sense, there is nothing going on in her head. She has still got the audacity to be suckling on the planet's painfully finite resources, yet manages to contribute nothing but migraines.

Then...

Dear BBBPPP: Why would your ex-girlfriend, who you ain't spoke to for a month and she says she doesn't want you, start to have ago at you when you have just spoken to your mate, who she says she kissed last week but he denies it, asking why I was having ago at him then she starts to cry after you have ago back at her then tells everyone you pushed her when you didn't?

BBBPPP: Because she's an attention-seeking psycho? Honestly, maybe she's right, and you're just forgetting how much of a spurt you are. Maybe you did push her. Anyone who hasn't yet decided to move on with their life has a mental imbalance and could be capable of anything.

Then...

Dear BBBPPP: Why would your ex say nasty things that hurt you?

BBBPPP: Because you won't leave her alone and maybe word has got out that you're spending all your time querying this issue to third parties. TIME TO MOVE ON, BUDDY.

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Love, eh?